Sunday, September 30, 2007

Fan-Fiction (Peter vs. Sylar)


In the end of season one, there is a big war between Peter and Sylar.
Fan-fiction (starting at a conversation)
Peter was blacked out on the street at one night, he saw Mr. Bennet when he was awake. Then, he asked Mr Bennet :”How did you find me?”
Mr Bennet said:”I told you. We have a tracking system.”
Then, They went to the Kirby Plaza Building, New York City and look for Sylar, they were standing at the middle of the Kirby Plaza, suddenly, Sylar appeared behind Mr. Bennet, Sylar used his mind-control power to put Mr. Bennet on the wall, then, he asked Peter:”What took you so long? Haven’t I killed you before?”
Peter said:”Didn’t take.” Sylar smiled and raised up his left hand pointing at Peter’s neck, and lift him up in the air with his mind-control power again. He said to Peter:”You think I’m gonna let you ruin it all? Take all the glory? ” At the meantime, Matt Parkman came out from a building and shot at Sylar five times, but Sylar immediately raised up his right hand and stop all five bullets in the air and bounced them back into Matt Parkman’s body. And then, he used this power to grab himself a piece of metal from the street and hit at Peter, he said to Peter:”Did you really think you could stop me?” Meanwhile, Niki Sanders came to Sylar’s back, she took his weapon and hit him down. After that, her son yell:”Mom, Dad needs your help!” Peter stood up and told her:”Go back to your family. I’ve got this.” Peter was very angry, he went straight to Sylar and punched him on his face a couple of times. But, just in one second, Peter found that both of his hands were shining, he said:”Oh! Wait, no! No!” Then, Sylar stood up and said to him:”Turns out you’re the villain, Peter. I’m the hero.” Peter did not do anything except calming himself down. Suddenly, Hiro Nakamura turned up in front of Sylar using his space-travelling power, he ran close to Sylar and used his sword to penetrate into Sylar’s body. And then, Sylar fell down on the street. Peter said to Hiro:”You can stop this.”
Hiro asked:”How?”
Peter said:”I need you to kill me.” Suddenly, Sylar moved his fingers, used his mind-control power to put Hiro on the wall to kill him before he killed Peter. Hiro, in order to save himself, he closed his eyes, used his own power to disappear himself before he hit on the wall. Everybody was looking at Peter, and Peter was trying his best to calm himself down. At this time, Claire got there, she took her father’s gun pointing at Peter. Peter said to her:”Do it. You are the only one Claire.” Claire said:”Tell me there’s another way, please.”
Peter said:”Shoot me. There is no other way.” Suddenly, Peter’s brother flew there, he said to Claire:”Yes, There is, Claire. The future isn’t written in stone.”
Peter said to Nathan:”I took his power, Nathan. I can’t control it. I can’t do anything.”
Nathan said to Peter:”I’m not leaving you, Peter. There’s another way to end this, and you know it.”
Peter said:”I can’t let you die.”
Nathan siad:”And I can’t let everyone else. You saved the cheerleader, so we could save the world.”
Peter said:”I love you, Nathan.”
Nathan said:”I love you too. You ready?” Then, Nathan went to hug Peter and flew into the sky. Everyone was looking up at the sky, they saw a big explosion, like a nuclear bomb. Everyone was crying, finally, the police arrived. And Sylar was gone, he escaped from the cloaca.

Aside: We dream of hope. We dream of change. Of fire, of love, of death. And then it happens. The dream becomes real. And the answer to this quest, this need to solve life’s mysteries finally shows itself. Like the glowing light of a new dawn. So much struggle for meaning, for purpose. And in the end, we find it only in each other. Our shared experience of the fantastic. And the mundane. The simple human need to find a kindred. To connect. And to know in our hearts, that we are not alone.

2 comments:

kiseki said...

Hi Shelley,

I was happy when I knew you had decided to write about Heroes. I like stories with the elements of fantasy in it :)

I think it's good that you provide a brief background about the series and some characters for us before you began your story, so we can understand your fanfiction easier.

However, I feel that you could add some details in your story so readers can have the clearer picture of what you are talking about.

For example, in this part:
Peter said to her:”Do it. You are the only one Claire.” Claire said:”Tell me there’s another way, please.”
Peter said:”Shoot me. There is no other way.” Suddenly, Peter’s brother flew there, he said to Claire:”Yes, There is, Claire. The future isn’t written in stone.”
Peter said to Nathan:”I took his power, Nathan. I can’t control it. I can’t do anything.”
Nathan said to Peter:”I’m not leaving you, Peter. There’s another way to end this, and you know it.”
Peter said:”I can’t let you die.”
Nathan siad:”And I can’t let everyone else. You saved the cheerleader, so we could save the world.”
Peter said:”I love you, Nathan.”

I think if you add more descriptions about actions, surrounding environments, or characters' feelings which appeared not only in their words but also on their faces or in their movements. It would make the picture, or the scene, that's playing in readers' mind become clearer with elaborate details.

From my opinion, it would be better than saying that someone said this and then someone said that, and readers can interpret their feeling from their conversations alone.

Pear Jin said...

Jean:

Agreed. It just seems to be ...reading a piece of dialouge rather than a story.

But, don't take it personally, Shelley. We are just giving some opinions. After all, the concept of a good story is rather subjective.

gambateh.